Why America? Emotional Literacy And Fixing Racism.

Hey America, I have a question?

For reference, here’s the video that tipped me into this idea. https://www.facebook.com/OccupyDemocrats/videos/2097816210311422/

I consider myself pretty objecting and open minded so I have to say that I don’t know what preceded this video. Maybe the officer tried to pull him over before he turned into his driveway. Maybe the girl (white) in the front seat incited a fear in the office and he felt the need to “protect”? Maybe the officer was just having a bad day? I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. My question is:

Why does it escalate so quickly with police when it’s NOT a white person?

There are numerous incidents recorded on video where a white assailant with a weapon was safely disarmed and arrested. In this instance, if this guy was being so combative, why didn’t the officer wait for backup. He could have blocked him in the driveway. He could have asked what happened to his tail light. Maybe he was in fear and lost control of his forebrain thinking.

When we are angry or in fear, we lose our capacity to think clearly. Blood literally leaves the forebrain, our thinking center. Yet, that is the place we need to be most operational in to fix this.  No blood = no rational thinking. We are hindering humanity, we are hindering ourselves with our anger and fear. It is important that we keep our hearts connected to our shared humanity. That requires emotional literacy. We must learn to feel our emotions and not always act out from them. We must realize that every human being has red-blood and wants the same things as everyone else – to be safe and to be loved. And there’s no reason we cannot be generous with these things. Safety and love are not diminished when shared; they grow.

Side note to those that say “If you don’t like how things are here in the USA, move to another country.” That reasoning is senseless, especially with regard to someone whose forefathers were slaves, here. They didn’t ask to be here, but ‘here’ presently belongs to them also. And the fact that they are still viewed as threatening or ‘less-than’ is also senseless. They deserve 100% of the rights and comforts enjoyed by every other citizen of ‘here’.

I know the race situation is dire. Anger can be helpful, but it only helps to initiate action. Anger will not resolve anything. We must become proactive instead of re-active, and one day we will be able to see our fellow humans without seeing race. To that end, I have suggestions for two groups of people, one each. Place yourself accordingly. Then I have a recommendation for us all…and an invitation.

Group 1 – white people and those that are white-passing.
First, explore real history, not just what is given in textbooks. Yes, you can watch that on free TV too, in shows like American Experience. Second, connect with and help install change for those in group 2. In doing so, you help to better the world you also live in.

Group 2 – black, colored, immigrant, anyone not white-passing.
You must know that you deserve good things. Please stop relegating yourself to what history has taught you. You are enough. Move forward with love and forgiveness, not anger.

Simple, but maybe not easy. You’d have to first own your part in this. Second, you would have to care about others. When we are in our feelings, especially fear and anger, other people are not what we think about. Please refer back to my statement above about our brains when we are in fear and anger. Remember, you can feel fear and anger without lashing out.

I don’t think this is fix-all; but we must keep moving this issue forward, hopefully to a place where it will no longer be an issue. We all have a role to play, myself included. My goal is to help grow the communal belief, for both groups listed above, that no human is less than another. I want to help others walk in the truth that every human is deserving of belonging simply because they are here. A big part of that is addressing how we deal, with what I feel is the hardest part of it: our emotions. And yes, I am building workshops about emotional literacy.

To that end, I am also hosting a virtual Wilderness Meetup. The term ‘wilderness’ is based on Brene Brown’s latest book, “Braving The Wilderness”. It will be a place for open conversation. Please join in – bit.ly/heart-wild.

And that recommendation: vote, in every election. I’m so stoked that I got to vote in my first open primary election because of where I live now (South Carolina).  Politicians, no matter their party affiliation do not have all the answers, though some truly mean well. But our system is not set up for politicians to have all the answers. It is set up for citizens to participate. We think they are operating on our behalf, but with less than 50% of the eligible population voting in any given election, how can that be? The day Americans really turn out to vote, I’m talking 80-100%, politicians will sit up and take notice. In this political system, we the people are supposed to be the ones with the power. Let us stop depriving ourselves of that power.

“Nobody will ever deprive the American people of the right to vote except the American people themselves and the only way they could do this is by not voting.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

And just in case you are stopped by the police while not being white: http://www.blackpolice.org/education/whattodowhenstoppedbythepolice81814.pdf

I love you. And I’ll see you in the wilderness.

Let’s Chat Catch-up

It’s #beachseason here in South Carolina and it’s been on my to-do list. #saltlife

What’s your favorite thing to do in the summer?

More importantly, in case you’ve missed these Let’s Chat videos. You can see the entire archive here.

Speak truth to BS.

You know more than your doctor.

How not to become who hurt you.

Is it too easy for you?

Enjoy and share your thoughts in the comments.

Lifestyle Prescriptions® and ThermoBuzzer™ starts June 1.

Starting June 1, I will be offering Lifestyle Prescriptions® Health Coaching, in-person or via Zoom. Yay! You can reserve a FULL complimentary (aka FREE) Wholistic Lifestyle Prescriptions® Coaching session. Yes, you read that correctly. To celebrate my online launch, I’m offering launch pricing until August 31 with complimentary full sessions during the entire month of June to those who are a part of my email tribe (Join here). Complimentary sessions must be booked online by June 9th and only through this link: https://calendly.com/roanne/launch.

 Interjection: Insta follow request at http://instagram.com/enjoyingbeing. Thanks. Now let’s continue.

So what is Lifestyle Prescriptions®?
This is a wholistic coaching method that finds the root causes for why you don’t feel great. It uses healing arts and science to identify a mind-body-social cause for symptoms. This addresses you as a whole person because everything in our life affects everything else in our life, even our health. I then guide you in resolving these challenges to your health. Along with providing personal support, I use non-invasive, wholistic and energy techniques. Between sessions, your body and mind have time to adjust and regenerate, and you have time to implement your personalized Lifestyle Prescriptions® bringing change that sticks and feels good. enjoyingbeing.com.

An example of a thermo scan.

ThermoBuzzer™ will also be available June 1st, with introductory pricing. ThermoBuzzer™ Mobile Imaging System combines cutting-edge mobile technology with infrared imaging to visually demonstrate stress imbalances via the autonomic nervous system. It’s the perfect educational and monitoring system for peak performance, longevity and prevention screenings. ThermoBuzzer™ is:
Non-invasive
No contact
No radiation
Chemical-free
Indicates under/over function, blood flow, inflammation and imbalances caused by stress.
Highlights pre-disease conditions that can easily be addressed with a Lifestyle Prescription®.

Bonus: Until August 31, you will get five (5) Thermobuzzer™ scan images when you book any Lifestyle Prescription session or package. This is only available when we are in the same vicinity. Sorry, it doesn’t work over the internet. But, I do plan on being between NJ and SC, and even Vegas and VA over the summer. So if you’re even curious, don’t hesitate to connect because Thermobuzzer™ travels.

IMPORTANT:
If you are reading this on my blog or on the WordPress reader, that does not mean you are a part of my email tribe. Please make sure you are in by 6/1 at tribe.enjoyingbeing.me. You will not get double emails if you use the same email as previously.

Things I like: EFT Tapping

One of my nephews has, for a long as I can remember, had a very negative reaction when he came upon a challenge while reading. It’s definitely visceral and something I pray I can help him overcome with some energy work. But, while coaching him to finish some reading last Sunday, after he had lashed out in anger, even throwing his book, I asked him to tap on his karate chop point (I’ll explain that later).

After about one minute, literally sixty seconds, he got his book and began reading – still a bit upset at first but his attitude improved and he completed the entire reading, even trying the hard words, without issue.

Lesson 1 – Why people lash out.

People lash out because of fear. They fear not being heard, not having their expectation met, not feeling loved. Maybe its happened before and so they liken this experience to a previous one and are often triggered without even realizing it. It’s part of being human and yes, we can get better at it. That will have to be another post. In the meantime, we can incorporate tools to help reduce extreme emotional reactions

Lesson 2 – EFT: A tool.

But there is a simple tool to help us when we realize we are triggered: It’s called Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT or Tapping. EFT stimulates a particular set of acupressure points, that in turn help calm the sympathetic (fear, flight, flee, freeze) response to a memory or situation. I explain more in my ‘about video’. You’ll find some history of EFT here.

I love this tool because it is simple, needs no special equipment and can be used by kids and adults to address any challenging emotion we are facing. I’ve personally used EFT to help with depressed moods or being angry and I’ve used it with my clients.

I find this to be such a valuable tool that I’ve added a reference on my website’s resource page. You will find images of the tapping points, an explanation video and a demo video referencing anxiety. I recommend familiarizing yourself with the tapping points so you’ll know them when you need them, but whenever you find yourself needing a quick reference, it will be here for you.

Know someone with anxiety? This tool would be great to share with them.

Do you have a tool to help you through life’s emotional bumps? I love tools so please share in the comments below.

Healing Tears

I listen to a lot of personal growth books and recordings. And then sometimes, when I ‘m not even listening, I have a moment. A healing moment; that may not feel so good at first, but they you are grateful for it. That moment.

That moment…

…when I cry; then laugh at the story I’ve carried, that was intended to bring shame to others but was only bringing shame to myself.

…when I realize through our shared humanity that I am just like those people that my story intended to shame. When I realize that they are just as deserving of love and acceptance as I am and I am the one to give that to them.

…when I cry, not because I’m sad, but because I’m healing, letting go of what I didn’t even realize I was holding on to.

…when I realize that it takes tears to let go of that shame story.

…when I cry but feel really good because in naming my shame story, even to myself, I can let it go.

…when I realize that even sharing that I have a shame story can empower someone else to name and then let go of theirs.

We all have a shame story but we don’t have to live with it. You don’t have to share the sordid details. You do have to be open and honest with yourself, invite in those hard emotions and sit, cry or walk with them until they subside. Your Creator has given you to the power to be an overcomer.

Here’s to our communal healing, our #EnjoyingBeing.

Let’s Chat: Why bother with exercise?

During a networking event, a doctor that was addressing the audience said, “exercise is not how you lose weight.” While I sort of agree I think we have to be more judicial in how we present that concept. His statement sounded to me, like giving folks a reason to skip out on exercise. Check out this Let’s Chat video and them my summary of points below.

1. Weight is not simply calorie exchange. Food does play a part but that’s because food gives our body information.

2. Toxins can play a part in weight loss also. The body may hold on to fat to save your life, literally, as that is where it stores toxins so that they don’t cause organ damage.

3. Emotions can play a huge part. “One analysis of 57,000 women found that those who experienced physical or sexual abuse as children were twice as likely to be addicted to food.” https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/12/sexual-abuse-victims-obesity/420186/

Exercise SHOULD be incorporated into your lifestyle whether you’re trying to lose weight or not, and even if you are trying to gain weight.
Exercise:
– creates heat and helps with internal circulation and with the activity of exchange, i.e. getting nutrients in and waste out;
– lowers cortisol and stress hormones
– increases receptor site activity for hormones.

Too much exercise will work against you because your body needs a balance of activity AND rest so it can complete repair and regeneration.

Even if it’s just a few minutes of jumping up and down in your house, your body will thank you now and later.

Let’s Chat: Lose Less Hair

I’m sharing this for my kinky and curly sisters. I don’t know how much hair you lose when you wash. Personally, I not going back to losing a handful of hair with every wash. I will share what helped me, but let me give you some context and a little of my history.

First, this is my hair process. I don’t do my much styling and at least half the time, I wear my hair in knots or twists. For me, it’s time-saving.
– wash every 7-10 days;
– use mostly oils like olive oil and coconut oil (after I wash);
– sometimes I use a hair cream particularly the Yucca & Plantain one by Shea Moisture;
– combs I use (see video);
– if I need to comb before my next wash, I use a spray bottle to make sure my hair is wet and I may also use a hair cream or oil.

I started incorporating aloe into my skin care after my teeth issue in late spring of 2017. I use it as part of my treatment – tying a piece of aloe to my face where I had inflammation happening in my gum. It was soothing as aloe is. Aloe also has protolithic enzymes, it’s antiviral, antibacterial and anti-inflammatory and is easily topically exchanged (gets all the good stuff it has into our skin easily).

Why I never made the connection to use real aloe on my hair, I don’t know. The two times I cut my hair really short, I used the aloe gel in the bottle sold for sunburned skin, and it did dry a little crispy but was a great product for me to use then.

It was mid-November, I thought, “Hmmm, I have a bunch aloe plants, let me see what it will do with my hair.” Then mid-December I heard someone mention the keratin-like properties of aloe. In case you don’t know, Keratin treatments are given to repair and strengthen hair. By this time, I had used the also twice and my hair strands did feel stronger. So I kept using the aloe and also rubbing it onto my scalp because I knew what aloe did for skin.

Which brings me to this last wash…4 days ago. I lose about 1/4 the amount of hair I would typically lose in one washing. Hashtag excited. The only thing different I did this time was to use an aloe based shampoo and conditioner. These products also had beneficial botanicals – but aloe was the first ingredient and ingredients are usually listed by quantity.

An important thing to note if you are going to incorporate aloe into your hair routine, especially if you are purchasing a product that says “with aloe”, flip the container and read the ingredients. If aloe is the third from the last ingredient, put it back on the shelf and walk away. I even saw a product called aloe oil – there is no such thing. And if you are purchasing an aloe gel – read the ingredients.

Its been four days since my last wash and I’ve used no grease or no hair cream. All I used was the aloe-based shampoo, aloe-based conditioner, and aloe on my hair to comb. My hair right now is smooth – not dry, and it’s winter – hats, dry air – yet my hair feels amazing!

Helpful ingredients are nice, but it’s two-fold. We must avoid harsh products like Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS) can cause hair loss. According to a report published in the “Journal of the American College of Toxicology,” although the potential for skin irritation increases in direct relation to how much SLS is in the product you use, any concentration over 2 percent will cause some degree of skin irritation…and your scalp is still skin.

I did try one previous non-toxic process – sugar scrub. For me, it was too time-consuming because you have to the scalp section by section. So having a shampoo is my preference.

Even if avoiding toxins is not your goal, aloe will still help your hair. Fresh from the plant will give you the best and fastest results but any form will have benefits. And if you are losing your hair and it is not because of disease or medication, avoid the harsh detergents…I mean shampoo.

Find the shampoo and conditioner I used here.
Learn how to remove and avoid toxins in your daily life here.

Do you have something that makes your hair sing?

Ideology to Practice: #weareallhuman

From my experience with human beings in different states, different organizations, different countries – one thing I know for sure – none of us are any better than the other. We are all human and we all want the same things:
– to be safe;
– to belong/to feel accepted;
– to be loved.

We are all human.

God did not give us the job of judging our neighbor. And typically, that takes the form of putting someone down and making them seem less than human by disassociating them with what is considered decent human qualities.

Taking away someone’s humanity by using dehumanizing terms (like monster), or using words that suggest they don’t belong (like nigger or cracker), does not get you want, whatever it is – status, money, happiness, a job – nothing. This action may cause this person to be seen as less, but those actions makes the perpetrator less. Don’t be less. Do like Jesus. Respond with love.

What do you think of the man who lives on the other side of the world and disowns his teen for not wanting to follow their social or religious practice? Don’t answer, just think about it.

Senator Rob Portman, a Republican, was against legalizing same-sex marriage until his son told him he was gay. Then he changed his tune, why? Because it hit him in his love spot. He wants his kid to be safe and happy. Maybe he even learned that legal marriage (by the laws of the United States) is not the same as biblical marriage (by the laws of the Bible). Either way, he became more compassionate in hindsight.

We all want to be safe and happy. Even that person that you don’t like wants to be safe and happy. When we get into judging our fellow humans, it is based on our limited human understanding and our tangled emotions (that too many of us don’t even feel or deal with in the first place), so how loving will that judgment be? We are not even always loving to ourselves.

And worse yet we express and execute that judgment. You could think my actions are going to take me to hell, but it’s ultimately not a decision any human gets to make, so why do I need to know your thoughts and even agree?

Oh, and we ‘Christians’ are too good at being passive aggressive…what is up with that? SO NOT cool and not loving either.

Especially in light of today’s political climate, we MUST be the change we want to see. We must expect it. We must live as it has already happened. We must give the love we want to get.

Stop responding with judgment. Respond with love.

I drafted this blog post about two weeks ago and then got to put my ideology to the test by having my purse snatched. Did it work? How did I do? Here’s how that story went.

And in case I don’t say it enough, thanks for walking this path with me. I love you.

~ Roanne

Let’s Chat: Purse Snatching And Walking My Talk

Personal development is like insurance. You never know when you need it until you actually need it. I needed it last Friday.

I’m sharing this story to share my thought process and how quickly it shifted in the midst of chaos. Had this happened 10 years ago it would have happened to a different Roanne who may have had a different reaction. I am proud of the reaction I had to this purse snatching. I’m going to milk as much good from this experience.

I also plan on being there for the assailant, accomplices and their families, through this entire court process. My goal is that this young man understands that he can and needs to make better choices to have a world that is kinder to him.

See my video below and my takeaway after the video.

 

Takeaways

All world needs more love, hope and compassion. People who feel loved and hopeful don’t go around snatching other people’s purses. It is up to us who have love and feel hopeful to put more of that out into the world by our actions.

I’ll be sharing more as this progresses. Thanks for being a part of my journey.