I lied. I’m sorry. I love you.

I didn’t mean to, but in hindsight, I realized that I did. I lied to myself and in so doing, I lied to you. I am sorry.

When my tooth started bothering me a couple weeks ago, I was faced with the opportunity to walk my talk. Stepping up my actions to creating natural healing for my teeth took me head to head with my words. I’ve been doing my Let’s Chat Facebook Lives for four months now, sharing ways to improve our wellness naturally. I’ve shared my own journey and most of what I share, I’ve personally done. I started doing these because I’ve walked the road of illness and I’ve walked the natural path to wellness. I know that simple shifts in our lifestyle can create big shifts in our wellness. It is truth to me and so sharing comes from my heart.

But I was fooling myself, coasting along, doing a so-so job on myself. My 60% looked like someone else 100% and so I fooled myself into thinking I was doing my best. It’s amazing how pain and discomfort can wake us up. I had to step up my action, increasing my nutritional intake and eliminating the bad stuff which for me is mostly sugar. I was coasting, not paying attention to the extra sugar I was consuming until about five days into the protocol for my teeth, when I could suppress the craving no more. See what I did here.

PS – the effect sugar has on our gut causes more damage than it’s direct effect on our teeth. Stay tuned for a full post on this protocol.

It’s important to note that I’m also a recovering people pleaser and standing out from the crowd still stings a bit. Announcing something that could possibly be a failure later was not something I did. If I shared it, I had to be 95% sure, or else, it stayed in my vault. Intellectually, I know the road to success is paved with failures, but knowing and doing…not the same thing.

So why my confession now?

For several reasons that could all be summed up into, “I’m loving me more.” Here’s how.

I came across an old journal entry from just over a year ago. It read, “Gay Hendricks – Happiness is a feeling about your feelings. A subtle pleasant sensation that comes from being open to your emotions, open the the present moment, and open to life.” When we are not 100% in integrity with ourselves, we know, especially if we are open to our feelings.

I realize that I’ve gotten better at saying “No.” and not feeling guilty over it. I help. I give of myself, my time and resources. I care. I love. And, I must take care of myself first so that I can do all those things. I know this; not just intellectually now, but in practice. I’m not perfect at it, but I way better than I used to be.

Also, an unhealthy relationship with our emotions can have a negative effect on our health. No thanks, I’ll pass.

To make this a true confession post, here are two times I’ve not been truthful with myself. And while I gained lessons (and some awesome friends and experiences from them), they honestly did not work out how I hoped.

First, was aligning myself with a company whose products I was not 100% in agreement with. I was about 90% and I thought that was good enough. The products were really good, but there were aspects of them that I didn’t agree with completely, based on my wellness knowledge. Yet, I convinced myself that though it was not what I would consider a standard, it was close and that was okay. A lie by any percentage is still a lie.

Second was letting my assumption of the reaction of others, curtail my action. My many personal development trainings had taught me that our reactions are based on our beliefs so when others react to what I do or say, it’s not because of me, it is because of what they hold true. Yet, there were too many times I did not fully practice this by not sharing my ideas openly and honestly.

Lisa Nicols says that true freedom comes when you have, “nothing to protect; nothing to hide, nothing to prove and nothing to defend.” I want to live my life to the fullest and freedom is a value I claim to hold close. If nothing else, my 2016 one word, “Open” was a lesson in this.

So I’m embracing my 2017 one word, “Release” and I’m confessing to myself and you. And I’m forgiving myself for not being totally honest with me. And I’m promising myself that I will be completely honest with me; even if I have to be the only one standing for what I hold as true…because, I love you Roanne.

Is there something you need to forgive yourself for?

So what do you think?

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