Hi. My name is Roanne and I’m a people pleaser.
Previously, that would have been a statement of shame for me. However, on my self actualization journey, I’m learning to be an observer and approach things without judgment. Yes, that is easier said than done. So let me tell you what I observed on Saturday night.
I got a phone call asking if I would try three little girls to a birthday party the following day (Sunday). Seems like a simple enough request except that my week’s schedule was already very full and so my plan was to use Sunday for writing and other business activities. Also the birthday party was 45 minutes away in one direction. Without giving too much personal information about the girls I’ll just say getting them to the party would be a good thing. Plus the person asking was someone I will do almost anything for. I also knew that being social is a huge part of my business. and almost immediately the in internal conflict began.
Remember I’m learning to be the observer. The benefit of that is not getting caught up in the emotion of what is normal or habitual for me. So very quickly – and I mean in the space of about ten seconds, while my requester was still speaking, I started toward my word for the year, “Open.” How can I be of service, approach the situation with love, yet still honor my needs in the process? And almost immediately, I thought to ask a few clarifying questions which led to a decision favorable for everyone. We decided that I would ride with the person asking to take the girls to the party. That way I don’t have sole responsibility for them (which was probably the biggest concern for me), I get to be social, and I could step away from the festivities and get some work done.
I get to lend myself to create other people’s joy while still keeping a happy space for me. Success! In my yesterday I would have said “Yes,” then been unhappy with my decision, and had way too much internal dialogue about it. I am fully aware that I could have also chosen to be happy with my decision but that’s a blog post for another day.
The other big victory in this story is that I did not spend more than 10 seconds with conflicting inner dialogue, rehearsing over and over, what I could of or should have. And that is never a useful way to spend our time or energy.
I share this story to encourage you to live true to yourself. If you love helping people, do that. If it pleases you to be a people pleaser, do that. Just remember, the most important thing about being a people pleaser is remembering that you are people too.